Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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