It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
