i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I intend to get homeless drunk
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
