everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
