drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I don't think brook has ever known best
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
