Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
