Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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