i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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