Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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