What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
