Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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