are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
