Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Randomize
