It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My breasts were aching with rage.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
