It's Friday. Sex?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
