When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
