i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
