The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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