I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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