I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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