i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
