I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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