i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
