I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
