but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
