You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
