I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
