I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
