Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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