like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
