Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
