I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Randomize
