Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
