My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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