I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
