I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize