u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
