We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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