I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
