So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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