Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Who put my cat in the fridge?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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