I faked an abortion last night.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
