so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Pants are for mortals
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
