I just made out with a guy for $7.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
