Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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