Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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