like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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