I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
