I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
