Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
