Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
