I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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