I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
