At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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