I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize