I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
