Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
