these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
