You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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