You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
