We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
