I've blown a few things in my day
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
