Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
