Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
