Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
